Thursday, February 19, 2009

25 Real Things

Recently there was a famine on Facebook.  I was bugged, or "tagged" with the virus: 
25 Things About Me.  
My lovely bff Alain tagged me with her 25 random items of information that I knew already.  At first I slightly ignored this modern chain letter, stamped with the lyrics of 'You're so Vain', but a day later I get a call from her.  Asking in a higher pitch than normal she squeaks, "Spins, you know you have to do one now right?" and thirty seconds later I had caved into doing one myself.  
That night at three a.m. I wrote out 25 generic things about me, tagging Alain, so she could find out things she already knew about me.  I tagged 25 other people that came to mind first on my Facebook list- it had not much rhyme or reason.  I wrote things that if you hadn't really known me the last few years, it would fill in a couple gaps.  The list was impersonal, though truthful.

What if I was open with 25 Things about Myself?  If I gave a glimpse of who I really am in 25 tidbits of information? 
It would like something like this:

1.  If I am really involved with a book, you will find it in my purse during the day, and in the same room with me at night.  You never know when you'll get a chance to dive back into its alphabet scramble.
2.  If I won money, I would go traveling (and go to lots of music-shows).  If I could be doing anything right now, it would be seeing the world.  Jammin my way through countries.  Though I'm rooted in Wilmington and love it here, I still haven't finished looking around, and my travels remain a lingering dot dot dot.
3.  What I love about traveling is the discovery of new ways to think and live.  How we live is not how every person lives.  Not every landscape is your landscape.  [Nor mine but that last line didn't quite have the same punch with that admission.]
4.  I have found that watching commericals on the Spanish Channel are the easiest thing on the channel to understand.  While the soap operas are more entertaining, I have no clue what they are crying and fighting about.  Learning Spanish has been going fairly slowly but I'm still learning consistently.
5.  I've learned that the moon truly does tend to affect me.  Whenever its pulls are strong I act nuttier than usual.  A grand impulse, a teary overflow: both symptoms of a full moon.  It makes sense we are connected to the moon, we have evolved in its presence shining like a mystery before us, pulling on us with its gravity.  Just look at the waves of Earth: hugs from the moon.
6.  I believe in Ellen Degeneres' philosophy of dance.  Just move to your own rhythm and have fun.  Use the music for the body to express itself.  Shake what your mama gave ya.
7.  I have been single now for the longest period of time since I began dating, now that I think about it: a couple years and a heavy pocketful of change.  I honestly don't mind; I like having my own space.  Our culture is so obsessed with finding your one true love, but I prefer to concentrate on myself and what I can be and spending time with genuine people.  One day I'll find someone who I can sit with and also go on adventures with who "gets" me.  Maybe there isn't only one person for everybody.  I don't sweat the details.
8.  My sister was featured on WBLive Surf recently.  She rips.  I surf a little, a summer wahine.
9.  Spinsley started out of a drunk state of mind but morphed into a state of being.  [Did I mention I am a twenty-something?].  Slosh and Alain are credited of coming up with the pseudoymn Spinsley, during a dizzy night of downtown drinking.
10.  My trademark is red suade shoes.  I have a sort of passion for shoes, and let me loose in a store and I will beeline for red suade without even realizing it.  It's so a part of me that my first sentence was to my childhood best friend, pointing down to her red ballet flats and saying in my little girl voice, "I like shoes."
11.  My life is more entwined with my grandfather's than the average 25 year old.  I am writing a book about him.  It is scattered across notebooks and still in the very early stages.  His story won't be forgotten with his recent death, for he touched so many people's lives, and written evidence will remain.
12.  This isn't a fact about me.  But I was super close to winning a Who's Bad ticket yesterday [written days before this posted] on the world's best radio station 106.7 The Penguin.  Who's Bad is a Michael Jackson cover bad.  I looove some classic Michael Jackson jams and Who's Bad is better than seeing the real Michael Jackson because they jam hard and aren't creepy.  So I was one caller away from a good time, but I still got to talk with Beau Gunn briefly.  So it wasn't a total wash.  
13.  "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream by night" -Edgar Allen Poe.  I am a daydreamer; I am a quoter of words.
14.  I have a love affair with candles, which many could attribute to the fact I am an Aries.  I love the Latino Cathlic candles from gas stations and grocery stores.  I love shakra candles even more.  There are some several religious idealogies represented in my house.
15.  It is going to bother Alain that so many of these sentences start with 'I'.  (But I counter, Honey, it's 25 things about me).  Her friendship is turning out to be a friendship of a lifetime.  (I luckily passed her cool test).
16.  I am an orange soda connessour.  Seriously.  And after much research I can say that Minute Maid Twister and Crush are the best.  Stewarts Orange and Cream is divine.  I remember Hank's Orange Soda being good as well, honorable mention let's say.
17.  I have really nice feet, except that one big toe is a half inch longer than the other.  It has an extra sterdy nail from when I lost the nail in third grade.  I call it my monster toe. 
18.  Convertables, boats, and motorcycles make life more exciting.
19.  I have unusual dreams, epic dreams.  Dreams so strange and exciting I've gotten writings from them.  A few days ago I had a dream that me and my closest friends all had these beautiful, strong, constant, angel-bird wings and we flew all night, in a dark starry painted sky.  I felt the breeze in my ears and the beat of my wings, blue, and shimmery in the way birds feathers are downy shimmery.  the wind wisked through my tiny light feathers, protecting me from the bite of the cold atmosphere.  We would smile as we passed each other, we'd fly in spirals and jet plane formations.  I slept until 3:30 PM that day refusing to stir to the world.  It was the nicest dream I've ever had.   Admittedly not my most unusual dream, but the first I remember where I could fly.  Yes.
20.  I'm glad the American people have found yoga.  It's such a trend but down the spiritual rabbit hole it goes, calming our addled minds and soothing a place inside that often remains ignored.  To seek to honor the moment by taking each breath with knowledge and appreciation, and use the movement of the body to awaken the mind.
21.  My anger burns hot and fast and then it is gone covered in ashes.
22.  Americans are fascentated with astrology, it follows me and pops up in unexpected places.  I never took a lot of stock in it until I started researching what my own sign was.  It turns out I'm an Aries-(Taurus)- they call me a cusper.  I am seriously that person, it can describe me often to a T, as demonstrated by the random website with questionable grammar I pulled this description from... [see * from].  My pseudoscience teacher "proved" this to be false with a handout he passed around with generic characteristics on it, and through deception tried to convince the class it was personalized.  Most people said it described them even though the papers all said the same thing.  I didn't feel like it nailed who I was. But this does, and more characteristics of the Aries come remarkablly close to who I am.  I did agree with my pseudoscience teacher with many of his points, and his class really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.  He helped me in my quest to question.  But I'm beginning to think the universe perhaps affects me with its movements- it comes out in my poetry, my painting, my emotions.
23.  I just listened to my new-to-me Joy Division cd from local downtown shop CD Alley, two times in a row.  Joy Division 1977-1980 Substance.  Not since The Beatles, not since Bob Marley and the Wailers, has a group managed to pull my into their world so completely.  I can not know enough about them, I cannot hear their music enough.  I love this music infatuation, music is always less disappointing than love.  I just hit play for the third time.  And it delivers!
24.  I handwriting specialist would have a time analyzing my handwriting.  I change my handwriting often, for no particular reason.
25.  I realize more every day how important your family is.  Even if they are not blood-related, family is who hold us together.

So here is my ultimate over-share.  Months of pillow talk, shoved into a list lead by 25 numbers.  I opened myself up and this information flowed out.  Your Spinsley


It's a most powerful cusp. It has zodiac position of 27 degrees Aries and 4 degree Taurus. Season is half spring element is fire and earth ruler is mars and Venus. 

In this period of year nature is full of force and release lot of beauty with solid intensity. It's a season festivities and celebrations. It's a season of melting of snow and colorful new era of life when earth is opening it's arms to welcome to hug the most talented nature. Everything living on earth feels to grow young and energetic. It leaves the expression of his/her meeting. 

Born under this cusp are always strive of power in their day to day life. But their temper is scary dynamic of earth and solidness of Taurus, they see their birth right to be the best of every step. They can pursue their goals without doing any hanky panky. They make so easer to their goal that others starts feeling jealous of them. They know how to act, when to act and where to act. They are always self assure and people know them become confident about their impression. They always prefer to save their energy to use it at the right time. People involve with Aries Taurus c cusp can always be benefited tremendously of the powerful presence and ability of them. They care for money and they know money plays a great role in life. That is why they seldom ask money from others. As per love is concerned they will always go out of the way to make their promise to be kept. they speak less, and will always give opportunity others to speak. You see their energies when their broke, they are sleepless and they will be best doing mediation. And if they have money they will spend at touring, leasuring, massage and vacations.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

broken silence, broken heart

If you do not have something good to say, don't say anything at all.  
I've been feeling this statement lately.  I've stretched into long strings of silence.  For A Day I've Always Dreaded is near: the day I lose my SuperFred.  His skin is tissue paper, spotched with purple strains.  Rippled like dried tissue wrinkly showing its past wet experience.  He is being moved his home tomorrow, a deathbed set up for him with 24 hour care waiting for him in his living room so he can be in a familiar and happy place for his ending.  He will have lots of hand holdings and goodbyes to say over the next day(s) and we make sure he's comfortable . . . and let go.  
I've been writing privately.

Today in his apartment I found a first edition complete collection of Robert Frost poetry.  A dark photo of bare trees wrapped around the book-jacket, that shows the wear of preserving the remarkably good condition of Frost's words through fifty years of consistent movings.  Fred and June, my grandmother and one mate of my soul, relocated to exotic places with this book: St. Croix, Russia, Berlin, and onward.  This Golden Find made my heart spin and I took it with me without guilt or regret.  I know Fred understands and wants me to have it.  I have been pouring over Frost today, revisiting and exploring new words; a nice break from the school-shooting-centered novel I've been reading this week.  
(How delightfully cheerful, youmaysay but Hey! Nostradamus by Douglas Coupland is turning out to be a thoughtful and interesting novel.  Though I have to admit, I'm feeling a little at home with it's somber tones).

Before you go and feel a thing like pity, take my advise and don't waste the calories.  For he made it to his goal age at 93 (he wanted to outlive his mother and sister who lived to 92) and our family had a lovely last Christmas all together.  He has a wonderful girlfriend who is kind, interesting, intelligent, and loves him and simply enjoys his company.  His two boys have found their way and he got to see his two grand-daughters grow up.   He has lead of one the most interesting lives that I've ever encountered and charms every woman he meets, and wins over most men as well though he doesn't show them the same attention or effort.  He always has a twinkle in his eye, if you get a good look between his winks.

in my silence there are goodbyes and exhaledsighs.   contained within,  no trace of lie.